Academic Types

Folks, in a way, I'm a nerd myself. I have a lot of respect for bright, inquisitive minds. However, I often feel uncomfortable being around academic types. I've met some academics I really liked, but those were rare cases. I once realized, to my great surprise, that I feel much more comfortable and happy around a group of uneducated, drunk, and cursing dockers from Louisiana than around professors at a conference.

In my mind, there are two archetypes of academics.

Type I: "Loser"

• Nerdy-looking
• Bold
• Looks exhausted
• Likes to talk, but doesn't like to listen
• Divorced/never had sex
• Doesn't even look like a man
• Works at a teaching school
  

Type II: "Harvard Business School Professor"

• Tall
• Good looking
• Successful with women
  
• Smiles a lot
• When you talk to him he smiles and acts very polite yet you read "I don't give a fuck about you" in his eyes
• Doesn't look like he is full of himself, yet he really is
• 
  

Type III: "Imbecile"

• Seems to be very exited about the useless things he works on
  
• Looks and acts like he is on Prozac
• Laughs a lot
• Despite his cheerful ways has a bad sense of humor: laughs at things which are not funny
  
• After returning from a conference in an exotic country, all he talks about is his hotel accommodation and food he had eaten

Type III: "Teenager"

• Somewhat of a rebel, i.e. does very fuzzy qualitative stuff in a field dominated by quantitative research
• Very critical to the corporate world
• Has a sober and cynical judgment
• A bit intoxicated by his "coolness"

Type III: "Satan"

• Seems to enjoy torturing PhD students
• Is obsessed with power
  
• Very manipulative
• Will not tolerate anyone disagreeing with him
• Full of himself

Type III: "Senior Scholar"

• Seems to be very happy with his life
• Has a good sense of humor
• Very hard to surprise or impress: he has seen it all!
• Achieved a lot mostly due to his good personality and excellent people skills